As humans, our greatest struggles is with ourselves. We strive for greatness and wholeness. Some want to be great by other people standards of greatness, while the wiser set their own standards which is often times met with a lot of resistance.
From my personal experience, I can honestly say that I fought hard to become the person who I am today. Self-confidence and independence are the greatest trophies that sit on my shelf. I worked my butt off for them. I was not popular in school, definitely not one of the hot girls. I was very shy and did not speak my mind at all. I was too scared to make people angry at me and I hated confrontation. These issues applied not just to friends and random people, but also my family. I never liked fighting with my parents and usually gave into what they wanted. We did have fights, but I never liked not pleasing them, so I usually gave in to what they wanted. In certain situations it was good to give up, because it was something not that important and it wasn’t contradicting to self-confidence, just teenage angst. However, there were a few situations where I wished I was confident and respectfully stood my ground as an individual discovering oneself.
Opportunity is the jewel life offers us to be the best person we can be. Many opportunities in life have helped me fight to be the person I am proud to be today.
1) Moving out-of-state after college despite my parents trying to convince me to stay home was my first life-changing opportunity. They were clingy parents. That move taught me that I am responsible for my life choices and that my desires, though different than what my parents wanted for me, were right.
2) Living with people who were not “New Yorkish” has taught me accept other cultures and perceptive different than the ones I grew up around. It has helped me be someone who now is more patient,open minded, and accepting of different people than I was when I was younger.
3) All the jobs I had since moving down south have been stressful and extremely challenging. However, they taught me to be as excellent of a worker I can be. Not to please my employers, but to have a higher standard of work ethic that I can be proud of and have confidence that I am doing the best that I can. All these jobs has also helped me have more clarity into what things I really enjoy doing and helped me refine my life search into what I really want to do with my life
3) Quiting jobs have been crucial life lessons for me. They have taught me that I don’t have to accept overbearing stressful jobs environments out of fear of being unemployed. They have also taught me to be more aware of when my time somewhere is up because I have reached the ceiling there and I need to move on to grow more in my talents and desires
4) Marriage has taught me how to reconcile, accept, and compromise with differences. It has also taught me not be afraid to open my heart and share every bit of my feelings, trust someone not to have the intention to want to to hurt me, to be honest in the midst of confrontations and not be afraid to speak my mind. It also taught me to put our relationship above material and career aspirations. Above all, marriage has and is still teaching me what it means to love someone.
All of these moments and struggles have been met with anger, sadness, depression, hurt, offense, fear, and doubt. Each of which made it difficult to choose to be the better version of myself. These were my battles, the fights I had that determined person I wanted to be. Thankfully, many times life offers more than one, even two or three chances to get it right. However, even my failures have made me a better person.
I am a stronger, more confident woman. I have clearer ambitions now. Even when I run into walls that hinder my dreams, my weakness is now is that I don’t know how to give up on them. I actually hate the idea of being a quitter. My family thinks me to be stubborn, but I see now it is because they don’t understand me. Confrontations don’t scare me anymore. I actually find them relieving to get my feelings out in the open, no longer bottled up inside.
The way I see it, crap happens in life, but it’s our choice on how we handle said crap ( I would say the “s ” word instead of crap in normal life but I’m trying to keep it professional here). Do we allow it to produce a negative outcome in our hearts or do we adopt a positive outlook and choose to be better version of ourselves than yesterday?
Thanks for reading!
Share with me one thing you have fought to be and that you are proud of.